would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
He did a backflip because drugs
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