dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
