perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
where are my pants?
in the oven.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize