Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
