Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
