Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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