It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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