it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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