Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
