I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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