i think i have two assholes
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
