his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
