I just cut my nipple shaving
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
