Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
God I need to hump something, right now.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
