do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
