I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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