Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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