Christians are straight up FREAKS
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize