He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
It's blow job season.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
