it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
