Don't you send me to vm
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I can't turn off my feet"
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
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