i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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