plz talk dirty to me
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
