you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
