"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
