I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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