Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
