i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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