the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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