I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
