get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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