Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize