I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
