Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize