how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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