Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
