What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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