remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
