The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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