I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Randomize