oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
