I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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