They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
