Already got asked if we're dating
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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