I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
