I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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