Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
