Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
