My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
i now understand why vodka
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