So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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