Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
