We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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