He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
