Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
