Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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