It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize