I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
