WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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