Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
