Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize