I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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