my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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