can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Randomize
