So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
