I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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