After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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