i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I am midnight drunk by noon
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
