need another drink. this is the easiest way
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
