i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
