With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize