Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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