I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
