SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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