And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
