My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
