My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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