You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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