found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
