yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
