thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
